Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
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i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
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You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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