People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm both gender and math confused
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
