I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"