Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
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Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!