If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize