do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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