I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
