Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
