like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
