Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
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i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
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Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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