speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
