You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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