Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
