Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Help me help you realize you are a moron
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
