I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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