I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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