I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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