You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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