No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD