you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records