Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Alive.
So much puke
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
