dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
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I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
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Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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