i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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