Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
