you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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