"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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