Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
wanna go halves on a baby?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Come share oat with me in your robe
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life