Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.