does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
