Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
