What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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