the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
