So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize