So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
