Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
