totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
