Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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