she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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