I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
