; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
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