Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
