I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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