She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Too much gin, very little bucket
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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