i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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