I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen