I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way