Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.