she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She even gives head with a lisp.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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