My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Say something about gay babies.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
