I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.