And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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