the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
