HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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