I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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