I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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